So, I "acted out" today... except I really shouldn't characterize it as acting out -- I had given myself permission for sexual activity outside my long-term relationship as being above my "bottom line". Yes, I am a sexual addict and have been working on managing my addiction since the late nineties.
I have not had sex with my life partner in approximately a year-and-a-half, and even prior to that, any occurances were few and far between. Both my partner and I have self-image/self-esteem issues (please, who doesn't...?) and these combined with the shit life throws at one (career, loss of career, stress, etc.) have conspired to make us condense our intimacy at another level rather than sexual.
I would like to explore this issue with my partner (who did know about my history going into our relationship), but he isn't open to the idea of assisted dialogue or couples counseling, whereas I don't think we'll get very far on the topic without the guidance. Although I've tried to address this with him previously, we don't get far before someone gets angry or the conversation is aborted. I attend a weekly sexual compulsivity group and they were quite helpful this week in listening and providing support and suggestions. Perhaps I'll have another go at discussing the concern soon.
Meanwhile, I'm beyond the point of simply masturbating away my sexual drive and have given myself persmission to have sex outside the relationship on a careful basis. I do have concern that this is opening Pandora's Box. We shall see...